That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
if only i could text you this smell
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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