names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
