dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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