party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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