This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
