Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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