it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
