why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
