you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize