did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
