woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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