i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
