9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
