woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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