The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
