It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
