just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
