Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
