i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
