By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
