Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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