I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
