you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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