Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
