What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
