I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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