You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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