my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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