Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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