I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
