1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
