you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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