? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
