She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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