accomplished twins. life is a go
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
