Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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