she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think people are normalizing furries
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
