i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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