tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
