I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
