you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
