the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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