Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
