Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
