After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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