Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
