did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Are my feet made of real feet?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
