We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize