I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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