i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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