So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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