toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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