Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
