His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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