we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
