made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
