Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
