he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
