I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
well you can't waste a boner
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
