Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize