when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
