Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
