Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
