What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
