we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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