My first STD was from a foam party
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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