You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
