yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Watching her eat just hurts me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
